I AM MY FATHER’S DAUGHTER: How running from your past prolongs your future.

Healing requires an incredible amount of courage. To fully heal, you often have to face your trauma—your blocks, your patterns. This becomes even more difficult when you are living in survival mode, unaware of what is bubbling beneath the surface.

For years, I pushed through each day completing tasks, simply existing just to get by. I treated jobs as a means to an end instead of building a career, and I was always my last priority. This is how I lived for a long time. Even worse, I was incredibly reactive.

Like many households in America, I grew up exposed to domestic abuse, poverty, and a touch of narcissism. In my early years, I adopted my father’s explosive temper. I was angry and saw danger everywhere I turned. I lived on edge—hypervigilant of my surroundings—which was exhausting and, at times, unfair to the unassuming people around me.

I was fiercely independent and convinced myself that I could only depend on me. I became a workaholic, constantly running from stillness—because stillness meant feeling. Instead, I took care of everyone else. My family battled mental illness and addiction, and it felt easier to manage their problems than to face my own.

Because I was fine… right?

Wrong.

Eventually, I completely burned out. During the COVID pandemic, when stillness was forced upon me, the fragile walls I had built around myself began to crumble. Around that same time, I developed autoimmune health issues—something I now believe was deeply connected to the stress and trauma I had been carrying in my body.

So in 2020, I started therapy.

For the first time, I became aware of what was actually going on inside of me. And awareness leads to action… but what do you do when you’re suddenly flooded with emotions you’ve been avoiding your entire life?

One thing I did was choose myself—for the first time ever.

A vacation. Imagine that.

It was eye-opening to realize how long I had been punishing myself by refusing to face my past. By holding onto anger toward my father, I was only hurting myself. I impacted my career, sabotaged romantic relationships, and, most importantly, neglected the relationship I had with myself.

A major part of my growth became learning how to care for myself—both physically and mentally—especially after my health challenges.

In 2026, I began strength training… and something unexpected happened.

By 2022, I had already been in therapy for two years and even attended a personal development weekend. I thought I had moved past my anger. I believed I had done the work.

So imagine my surprise when, during my personal training sessions, thoughts of my father began resurfacing.

But this time, it felt different.

I’ve always had mild anxiety, and the gym had always been a major trigger for me. When I explored this in therapy, I could identify that men were part of the trigger—but I didn’t fully understand why.

As I continued healing, many of these patterns became more manageable. But then, one day, everything clicked.

My father loved the gym. He was disciplined about his health, intentional about what he put into his body, and believed in natural healing over medication. In many ways… I am exactly the same.

One day, while climbing the stairmaster, my mind drifted.

I imagined a younger version of myself sitting on my father’s arm as he took me to the gym—proud of his little girl.

Of course, it was only a fantasy.

And as the image played in my mind, I felt tears begin to rise. I quickly pushed them back—I didn’t want to be the woman crying on the stairmaster.

But in that moment, something shifted.

My therapist once told me, “Anger is the easier emotion.”

She was right.

Because it was far more painful to grieve the relationship I never had… and to acknowledge that not everything I inherited from my father was bad.

He didn’t just pass down his rage.

He passed down his charisma. His strength. His discipline.

And I remember him telling me, “Never let a man treat you badly.”

I know how ironic that sounds.

But often, parents want better for their children than what they were capable of giving.

So how does this relate to coaching?

Our upbringing shapes our beliefs about who we are—and those beliefs influence every area of our lives.

When I tried to run from my past, I only repeated it.

When I believed I was a poor Black girl from Tennessee, that is exactly how I showed up.

When I thought in lack, I received lack.

When I lived in self-doubt, others doubted me too.

The energy you carry is the energy you experience.

When I coach clients—or even reflect on my own journey—feeling “stuck” is rarely about surface-level habits. It’s usually a signal that something deeper needs awareness.

The root.

The trigger.

The story.

And once you bring awareness to it… you can begin to rebuild.

New thoughts.

New behaviors.

New outcomes.

A wise teacher once told me:

“When you focus on the worst parts of your parents, those are the traits you carry forward. When you heal and choose to see the good, that is who you become.”

My life was not easy. But every obstacle shaped me into who I am today.

And I can no longer deny my past.

I am my father’s daughter.

Can you relate?

If this story resonated with you, take a moment to ask yourself:

What part of my past am I still avoiding… and how is it showing up in my life today?

Awareness is the first step—but you don’t have to navigate what comes next alone.

If you’re ready to break old patterns, rebuild your habits, and step into a more aligned version of yourself, I invite you to book a free Alignment Call with me.

This is your space to pause, reflect, and begin again—with intention.

Your healing doesn’t have to stay a private struggle. It can become your transformation.